Families often seem picture-perfect on the outside, but sometimes, beneath the surface, things aren’t quite as they appear. Whether it’s a peculiar family tradition, a bizarre secret, or a subtle behavior that didn’t add up until later, many people have had that moment where they realized something was just “off” about their household.
From unsettling discoveries to unspoken rules that now feel strange in hindsight, these people took to Reddit to share the moments that made them question their family dynamics. You won’t believe these wild family revelations!
Twisted Brag
U/RScudda: “I realized my family was off when my mom encouraged my brother to in the street life, not for financial reasons, but genuinely just so she can brag (i don’t even know how it’s something to brag about but hey, ghetto communities.)
That her son was out there ‘running [things]’. I only realized it was [messed up] because of the tv shows and movies I seen of the family n friends trying to get the main character to LEAVE the street life, not join it.”
Vanilla Sky
U/taylor__spliff: “My dad told me when I was very young that I shouldn’t ‘complain’ to my maternal grandmother about the horrible treatment I got from my ‘step mother’. He told me that I should be ‘vanilla’ and only talk about mild things because everyone likes vanilla. He didn’t like being lectured by my grandma for letting me be subjected to [the treatment], I guess.
I didn’t even realize that the things I was telling her were ‘bad,’ I thought it was all normal and I was just casually sharing things about my life with her.”
Family Dinner
U/saludpesetasamor: “I went to a friend’s house after school one day, and her mum called us down for dinner. I was astonished that the whole family sat down at the table and ate together, and chatted and joked and laughed. They actually seemed to be ENJOYING each other’s company. There was no tension, no one was yelling or being sullen, no hint of threat in the air. Just a simple fun dinner.
Apparently they did that every night! Shocking behaviour. I privately thought her family was really weird for that, but once I started making more friends, I began to realise it was MY family that was ‘weird’. ☹️”
Conflict Shock
U/mwmandorla: “The first time I witnessed a family fight where people yelled at each other was at my high school ex’s house. I had no idea what to do with myself because my parents handled conflict like a work meeting (choose a time to discuss it in advance, come with thoughts prepared, have a calm discussion, agree on what will change going forward).
They were definitely trying to do something good for me with that and it’s way better than most alternatives, but they took it a little too far so now I’m weird about conflict in an entirely different way, lol.”
Unexpected Praise
U/3D_Otters: “When I heard a classmate’s mom tell my parents about how much she adored me and how much I lit the room up with my personality, and that she was glad I was friends with her daughter.
I never heard anyone in my family speak with that level of positivity and depth about anyone, including family. I was confused as to why I could leave an impact on essentially a woman I interacted with in passing, but my parents couldn’t even remember what grade I was in.”
Kind and Calm
U/Labradawgz90: “When I was in elementary school and I would go to a friend’s house. Her parents and brothers were really nice to me. They never made fun of me or said hurtful things to me.
Their dad never screamed at the top of his lungs if they made a mistake and never [hurt] any of their kids for asking a simple question. In general, whenever I went to her house, everyone was kind and pretty calm.”
Vacation Realization
U/sabdariffa: “When I was probably about 7 or 8 I realized that other families spent time together on vacation… like, they would go do activities together and their kids didn’t just spend time hanging out with staff or locked up in the hotel room. When I was a kid and we went on vacation, it was clear that it was my parents who were ‘on vacation’, we just got the privilege of tagging along. Our job was to spend as much time away from them as possible, and not need them for anything.
Then I realized other families also spent time together when they weren’t on vacation. Like, I never realized that other families went for walks, or played together, or played sports together etc outside of daily survival activities. I thought kids playing basketball with their dad was only a thing that happened in movies.”
TV House Truth
U/PinkNGreenFluoride: “I got to go over to a few other people’s houses and realized that most people’s houses really, basically, do look like the ones on TV.
Sure the furniture may be cheaper, or maybe there’s a little clutter, so more in the territory of Married: With Children, or Roseanne. But yeah all these other houses more resembled the houses on TV than my own. It turns out most parents aren’t hoarders.”
Thumbing Pain
U/LucilleBluthsbroach: “The day my mother insisted I go to the bank with her, I didn’t feel like going but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I was 18, I accidentally slammed my thumb with the car door, it was bleeding and the nail was coming off so I got out to go take care of it and she was so angry that I wasn’t going after all that she burned rubber leaving.
No concern about me whatsoever, then or later on. I didn’t have my keys though so I was locked out. I had to walk a mile to the neighbor’s for help with my thumb. When I told them what happened, the look of horror on their faces told me none of that was normal.”
Normalized Behavior
U/Blu3Ski3: “My father had an extremely bad temper. One time when I was 13 years old he picked me and my friend up from school and my dad was in a really bad mood. He started screaming at me for being too stupid to know something or other.
I was used to it and totally silent. When I was with my friend later, he was in complete shock. I downplayed it and I told him it’s totally normal. He said ‘no, it’s not’. And, I never forgot that.”
Silent Farewells
U/hereticallyeverafter: “After my grandma passed away, I realized something that made my family weird: on my dad’s side, we just don’t do Death. No obituary, no funeral, no Facebook post. Just the legal stuff, and notifying family and the person’s friends, cremate/bury, & ta-da! Zero fanfare.
It’s not the weirdest thing, but it’s not something any of us were raised specifically to do or believe. It started, as far as I can remember, with my great grandma and just… continued. Everyone on that side is super neurotic too, not quite enough to be bipolar, but enough to notice and trace thru the lineage lol.”
Safe Haven
U/klovey2: “I was maybe 11 and my friend was supposed to spend the night at my house. I was a bit embarrassed because we could hear my family fighting, but I didn’t consider it a bad fight because the walls weren’t shaking and no one was throwing or breaking anything. She told me if I ever needed somewhere safe to stay that her mom would come get me and I could stay with them.
I knew her mom wasn’t the most stable person in the world, but that woman took care of me from 11-18 any time I needed anything. I could probably call her now, years since I’ve last spoken to either of them, and she would still treat me like family.”
Fictional Parenting
U/LittleRileyBao: “I watched Full House as a kid. Every time the kids got I trouble the guardians would calmly talk to them and give out some sort of punishment.
I always thought I wish my parents would be like that all they did was scream at me until I cried if I did something bad. It took me until my 30s to realize that Full house was 100% fictional. Parents did actually gently punish their kids.”
Quality Time
U/yodelingllama: “When I spent an afternoon at my friend’s house when I was about eight. Her dad randomly asked us if we wanted to do anything fun and he ended up teaching me how to play Monopoly and how to ride a bicycle.
It was then that I realized that spending quality time with their kids is something that normal parents did. In our house my parents would never do anything with us during their free time outside of going to the mall and eating out.”
Fawned Words
U/zestymangococonut: “Being fawned over by parents. Like over the age of 5, kids were very enunciated in my family. Nobody was allowed to say ‘pasketti’ in place of spaghetti. It wasn’t cute, it was a mispronunciation.
Then I had kids and thought them saying things like that was adorable. I mean, they did learn the correct way to say spaghetti, so I wasn’t too concerned about it.”
Different Love
U/Darkencypher: “This is probably the opposite of what you expect. My family actually loves each other. A lot. I tell my mom and brother all the time (rip dad, miss…him), even my sister in law. Always end phone convos with I love yous and stuff.
This is in contrast to many of my friends. Their families are not affectionate at all. It’s off to me but mine is off to them. I chalk it up to my dad having to take care of his brother and sister a lot and vowing to be around for his kids and my mom just being the baby of the family.”
Girl Boss
“On our fifth wedding anniversary, I couldn’t wait to share my big news. ‘I’ve been promoted to ceo!’ I announced with a beaming smile. My mother-in-law looked shocked, and then my husband’s face twisted with anger. ‘Quit this job right now, or I will divorce you!’ he yelled. When I refused, his expression darkened, and he grabbed the cake we’d bought to celebrate, smashing it on the floor in a fury.
Heartbroken, I left the house. Hours later, my phone rang-it was my sister, revealing that my husband and mother-in-law had been plotting for months to make me quit my job. They thought my success was ‘out of line.’ That was it for me—I packed my things and left. I realized I deserved to be surrounded by people who celebrated my success, not feared it.”
Forced Affection
U/Gerreth_Gobulcoque: “Was like oblivious to my parents relationship. Then when I was like13 they started randomly making a huge show of awkwardly chastely smooching in the hallway where my brother and I could clearly see it. A year later they were divorcing.
Im guessing their therapist or something told them to attempt to maintain a sense of normalcy for us or to make public gestures to see if it helped, but obviously to no avail. I just remember being a kid and being like ‘why do my parents seem to like each other all of a sudden’ They didn’t, but they tried to pretend they did. hm.”
Unequal Balance
U/larra_rogare: “Realising there was a strange contrast between my dad owning a garage of 10 sports cars and owning an airplane and we flew by private jet when he wanted to go on a family holiday. But, my mom’s debit card would regularly decline in line at the supermarket and we’d have to put some items back.
And when I realised my mom ‘owes’ my dad money, and he charges her interest on her ‘loans’. They’re still together. Now I recognise it as financial (and emotional) abuse.”
Tuna Revelation
U/CharmingDagger: “I thought everyone used miracle whip to make tuna sandwiches. During a sleepover, I had a tuna sandwich made with mayonnaise. I thought it was awful and couldn’t figure out why they’d ruin tuna like that.
Later realized that my family was the only family in my friend group that used miracle whip. After that, I started questioning everything we did and why.”
Polar Opposites
U/Zakal74: “I had the exact opposite experience. My family was always 100% supportive, super chill, and laughing all the time. I just assumed all families were like that.
Visiting a friend and seeing him and his siblings in literal fear of each other and their parents was beyond shocking. I was just sitting there thinking, ‘How…do they even live like this?!'”
Point of No Return
U/2manybirds23: “I think I understand. As an adult some friends started sharing cute stories about getting mad and ‘running away from home’ as kids and their moms would pack them sandwiches and play along until the kids just stopped being mad.
I realized that I could never show anger or run away because I didn’t think my mom would let me come back.”
Silent Care
U/Spinnerofyarn: “When I was 13, I started having to get myself to and from the doctor, though she might make an appointment for me. I had a riding accident where I had to go see an ob/gyn after the initial emergency care and I had to go by myself.
It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that’s something most people’s mom take them to for the first time, no matter how old their female child is if the female child wants them to know they have the appointment.”
Cardboard Castles
U/whynousernamelef: “Oh god I made up this elaborate story about my mom not letting people in our house because she was ‘unwell’ our house wasn’t dirty, just empty. We didn’t have furniture, just mattresses on the ground and cardboard boxes.
My parents were just weird, we were pretty poor but they could have got beds and couches etc, they just didn’t want to? Very strange people who I was ashamed of.”
Mother May I
U/Sigr_Anna: “My mother-in-law told my mom how lovely I am to have around. Mom complained to my dad. The statement was made that ‘well, they don’t have to live with her.’ I guess it’s not the fact that my mom has…mental health issues she refuses to address.
Sure, I was just as teenager-y as every other teenager, got in my fair share of fights with mom and dad – but at some point, you realize that comes with the ‘teenager’ territory, and isn’t a permanent character defect. It probably also isn’t normal that whenever I visit, mom talks at length about the abuse on her side of the family…but I’m the family jerk because I have actual boundaries around time spent with that level of toxicity.”
Knee-Deep in Realization
“The first afternoon I spent with my best friends and now partners family I was six years old, I fell and scraped my knee, as six year olds do. His dad rushed over and helped me up, telling me it’d be okay and that I was okay and that we’d go clean it up inside.
I had never had an adult clean my cuts before, no one had ever taken care of me before, not since I was old enough to feed, dress and bathe myself. I realised then that my parents were supposed to take care of me.”
Hug it Out
U/TheNombieNinja: “I grew up in the no touch family – even my extended family on both sides, and I am blessed to have married into a very affectionate Italian family. The first time I met any of my husband’s family he had to warn them that I might not want hugged and definitely don’t want my cheeks kissed, so basically approach with caution. They greeted me so warmly and let me take it all at my pace, I had to excuse myself to have a moment to process this was how families actually care about each other.
Now every time we see each other it’s hugs and cheek kisses hello and goodbye, even with the cousins I’ve hardly gotten to know. After our parents met, a switch flipped in my mother and she now insists on a hug every time she sees me. It is the coldest most emotionally empty hug every time.”
Deck the Halls
U/The_Jacob: “I think it was the first time I talked about what my house in California was like when I moved back to Florida as a preteen. Yeah, it turns out living in a hand made shack of plywood and plastic tarps on a man made jetty as part of a homeless colony in Northern California for a year is not a ‘typical’ thing families do.
Oddly enough, chopping up and burning your Christmas tree because it was the only fire wood available to you on said jetty 4 days after Christmas…is also not a universal experience and your 5th grade class and teacher will not think it’s a silly goofy story and have the most horrified looks on ALL of their faces.”
Cheeky Relief
U/originallovecat: “When I was around at my best friend’s house and her dad happened to be there, he came in to say hello, my bf said something mildly cheeky to him and I held my breath and tensed up waiting for him to kick off…
He just laughed and teased her back. I’d have been about 7. It was revelatory, and helped me keep my sanity until I could afford to leave home.”
Sweet Surprise
U/Schattentochter: “I had multiple moments like that but the one I still think about the most is actually ironically menial. I’m 30. Seven years ago I had already been in therapy for years to work through, amongst other things, the trauma my family’s abuse has caused.
But what broke me was my boyfriend’s mother telling me that ‘of course’ she had used lactose-free products and ‘obviously’ the dessert had no hazelnuts the second ever time she met me. Not once in all this time had it occured to me that I’m allowed to expect people not to feed me stuff that will literally put me in agony. Double awesome if you know my dad’s a doctor, my mom’s a nurse…”
Words Left Unsaid
U/jjjjjjj30: “My boyfriend is 47 and his family is extremely nice and normal. No mental illness at all. No addiction issues or…abuse, etc. But his parents have never, ever told him they loved him. I find that incredibly strange.
My parents are the same age as his parents and my family has all the above issues but we have still always told each other we love each other.”
Talk it Out
U/ThelatestRedditAct: “Realizing that other families don’t all talk at once with constant interruption and interpersonal side jokes that everyone just knows based on one word that go into side tangents and might circle back to the main point.
I would honestly get annoyed at my boyfriends family for not remembering things based on what’s very little to go on and I would also get bored at their very calm family dinners where they took turns talking about their day. Yes we all have ADHD in my family, and since it’s 5 women and 2 men most of us were diagnosed later in life why do you ask?”
Compliments Not Included
U/bunrritto_: “I realized late into primary school that being mean wasn’t everyone’s love language. My family was/is by no means abusive but compliments were hard to come by and banter was our main show of affection.
A ‘you’re so annoying’ meant a lot more than any hug could. Definitely not that off but my friends were very confused as to why I was so happy when they were mean back.”
Touch and Go
U/bellabbr: “My husbands family is super stable, middle class family, his upbringing was so much more stable than mine. He had 1 address from birth until after college, I had 18.
Yet they don’t hug or kiss. He was shocked when my family came to visit and we all sat next to each other and were always touching. We had to practice hugging and affection and now he loves it but took a while.”
Knock Knock
U/ZubLor: “When I realized other people had doorknobs on their interior doors. My dad took all the doorknobs off when I was a baby and never got around to putting them back on the doors. Even the bathroom doors. Why? Who knows. It’s lost to the mists of time.
It could be because he was a terrible handyman and a procrastinator. He also once punched a hole through the wall of my brother’s room trying to fix an outdoor faucet. That hole to the outdoors was there for years!”
Classroom Chaos
“I didn’t know that most kids don’t cry nearly every morning before school every day of their entire school career. I was a failure of a student because I could never focus or pep up and do the work.
I didn’t actually succeed until college, long after my parents kicked me out. I was such a stressed out kid. All because my mother would scream at me and…tear my room apart nearly every morning.”
Bad Mouthing
U/CouchStrawberry: “Everyone talked [bad] about everyone behind each other’s backs. However, they were overly sweet and pleasant to each other’s faces. As a kid I was really confused about who is a good person in the family and who isn’t. The house used to fall pin drop quiet when it was time for my aunt to come home from work.
Everyone had to mandatorily eat what she cooked. All electronics, even fans and lights, were turned on and off by only her. When I realized that people (my cousins) actually like their aunts (because my mom was also an aunt), I realized that this entire dynamic was really [messed] up.”
Sticks and Stones
U/That-Condition9243: “I entered public school at thirteen. Was bullied by the kids who immediately picked up on my lack of social skills. I was as polite and pleasant to them as I would be to anyone. A month later, once I had established my first ever friend group, they told me how unusual my inability to be bothered by bullies was, citing my extraordinary ability to be unbothered by verbal abuse.
Being taunted for my physical appearance wasn’t unusual to me because that’s how my parents spoke to me. That’s when I knew my parents were different. It had never occurred to me that my parents were different because I had just always known they Didn’t Like Me and that being laughed at and called names by them was… just how they treated me.”
On Lockdown
U/DatTF2: “Probably around the time my step mom put a lock on the outside of my door and would lock me in my room with a little bowl of snacks and a TV that only got like 3 channels.
Also how we went to Sea World and they just left me in the car (at least the windows were down.)”
Close-Knit Clan
“Whenever I would talk about my weekend plans or weekends past, people would comment, ‘Oh, your family must be really close…’
Apparently it is not normal to hang out with your siblings, nephews, nieces, parents all weekend and attend their performances, sports, etc. I guess I am glad to be part of this weirdness because they’re all great people.”
Breaking Free
U/Fabulous_Pudding167: “Sitting and listening to other kids chatter while at school. And hearing them play while I was at home doing chores. It sounded unreal to me. Like, people actually go out and do stuff as a family? Kids get to do things besides work? As I got older, the [surprise] was people who could communicate openly with their parents. I tried this, because it was the relationship I wanted to have with my parents.
But no matter what I tried, they were determined that the terms were non negotiable. My life was to be [bad] no matter what. Or at least til I turned 18. My parents divorced, I moved out. The second half of my life has been significantly better, but I wish I could just slough off the [trash] from my formative years.”
Unseen and Unheard
U/Hot-Moment-8216: “When my friends would tell me about the help they would get for things like homework and their parents always showing up to pick them up, school events, parent-teacher conferences etc.
I thought it was very normal for parents to just forget about you because of how busy they are and as long as I wasn’t causing trouble they had no interest in us. They would repeatedly go on vacation/ date nights leaving me from as young as 8 to take care of my sister, then refusing to pick up phone calls and telling me I was being overly dramatic.”
Call for Help
U/Spinnerofyarn: “My college friends called their parents every week, some more often than that. I always dreaded talking to my mother. It wasn’t until I started getting to know my ex husband, and then after I met his mom, that I realized how absolutely off my mother and my household was because of her.
I remember being amazed at times that my friends could call their parents at any time about any problems and their parents would help them whereas if I had a problem I knew I’d…well better solve it myself and that if my mother found out about it, there would be zero concern for my welfare, and I would have…to pay for inconveniencing her.”
Work Hard Play Hard
U/Neoncacti28: “When I was 8 my mom let me go to my friend Maria’s for sleepovers. Her mom would cook and Maria said she never had to cook dinner for her family. We got to be silly and talk at blockbuster and got to get candy for the movie we picked out. At her house we could stay up late and there were no consequences for sleeping in.
I always thought there house was messy because her mom didn’t make her clean. I realized eventually that normal kids don’t have to to cook and clean and take care of siblings. That that was actually the parents job. At my house the only way out of chores was getting a job. Which I did starting at age 12. Got a summer job detassling corn that I really loved.”
Love You Not
U/Heavy-Metal-kittens: “When my friends tell their parents they love them and it gives me the ick… cause my mum told me she loves me for the first time last year.
My dad never said so before he died. I am 35. I do not know how I am supposed to express emotions and expectations in a healthy relationship.”
Adopted By Love
“When I met my girlfriend, now wife, 38 years ago and started going to family events. No one crying, storming out, gossiping.
I was like whoa this is what a well adjusted family looks and behaves like? Became my adopted family. Barely speak to my birth family anymore. They took me in and basically helped me heal.”
Family’s Missing Piece
U/Downtherabbithole14: “I didn’t realize that something was off about my family until my dad died (I was 13 when that happened). He was the glue that kept everyone together. I had suspected that something was wrong with my mom bc she was just so mean to me all the time…
Then I met my husband and his family treated me so nice, and I was like so this is what family should be like… and I’ve cut off everyone except my mom and sister. I am very low contact with my mother, I don’t have it in me to cut her off 100% bc she is human, and in her old age, who else is going to care for [her]….and my sister, we struggled but we are in a good place now.”
Parenting in Reverse
U/KarmaFarma_69: “Being raised by my grandparents yet still occasionally seeing my parents. Growing up with a mom who never made me breakfast or brushed my hair or decorated the Christmas tree with. Same with a dad who I never lived with, never taught me to drive never even gave me a whole hug just a quick one arm pat.
When my grandparents died its like my real parents died. I’m an adult now but even as a kid I’ve had to help my parents and still do sometimes. Compared to all my friends who have normal or even great relationships with their parents.”
Breaking the Cycle
U/Itchy-Squirrel-4404: “I realized something was off in my family when I started comparing my experiences with those of my friends. Little things like constant arguments or lack of communication stood out. I noticed how my family’s way of handling conflict was different and often unhealthy.
As I grew older, I understood that these patterns affected my relationships and well-being. It took time, but recognizing those issues helped me seek healthier dynamics in my life.”